Rising in Grady was an ungovernable laughter, a joyous agitation which made the white summer stretching before her seem like an unrolling canvas on which she might draw those first rude pure strokes that are free. Then, too, and with a straight face, she was laughing because there was so little they suspected, nothing. The light quivering against the table silver seemed to at once encourage her excitement and to flash a warning signal: careful, dear. But elsewhere something said Grady, be proud, you are tall so fly your pennant high above and in the wind. What could have spoken, the rose? Roses speak, they are the hearts of wisdom, she'd read so somehere. She looked out the window again; the laughter was flowing up, it was flooding on her lips: what a sparkling sun-slapped day for Grady McNeil and roses that speak!

pages 5-6.

Seemingly unseasonal, but fitting and beautiful for New Year as well!

Or, And now for something completly different?!?!

Or, To Finish one or get a new one...

Because I miss using certain parts of my brain, because a best friend told me last night that I’m the most over-qualified degreeless woman she knows, because I wasn’t raised to answer phones, because I’m so stagnant and unchallanged I can’t even write fiction anymore, and I’m sick of using old, depressing themes that pin my neck to the wall. I need to add to the well from which from which I draw.

Because I need to surround myself with people like me, on an everyday, regular, structured basis. Because I really didn’t appreciate it when I had it, and I want a shot to use what I’ve discovered about myself. To use my powers for good.

Because I have too much to give to be feeling like have been, and I want to be where I’m supposed to be.

Because I don’t want my future children to look at me in 20 years and ask why I took a three year break from my life, why I put up with being unsatisfied for so long.

I REALLY NEED to research this, need to plan. Already looked into some interesting courses.

I’m good at setting the goals, I just need to work on the steps to get there.

Watch this space.

Never be ashamed of what you love. ~ My Flat-mate/bestfriendfromhighschool

Happy moving in toast! ~ My Flat-mate/bestfriendfromUni


Do the little things well now. In time, great things will be presented to you.
Persian saying

For adventure and new experience, this has been the best year. I’ve learned lots of lessons, and I have more tools to further improve for 2007.

I’ve let go of a lot, and embraced a lot, I’m less solitary and less inside my own head. I have a change of scene, and I’m working on using it to it’s full advantage.

Apart from a few blips, I’m in a different head-space than last year, and it’s easier to bounce back than it was before, easier to colour the momentary gaps in my outlook.

I’ve learned that everything that has happened up to now has happened for a reason, and that there are countless ways for me to continue on the road to my full potential.

The theme for 2007 will be: me. Doing things that make me happy, challenge me, stretch my brain and get me 365 days closer to where I want to be.

I’ll not forget what I learned this year or the promises I’ve made to myself.

And I will enjoy making next year, and every year, even better.

I know this is true for me. And I wish it to be so for everyone else!

I'm going to read everything by my favourite authors 

Alice Hoffman

Property Of

The Drowning Season

Angel Landing

White Horses

Fortune’s Daughter

Illumination Night

At Risk

Seventh Heaven

Turtle Moon

Second Nature

Practical Magic

Here on Earth

Local Girls

The River King

Blue Diary

The Probable Future

Blackbird House

The Ice Queen 


...

Anne Tyler

Digging to America

Back When We Were Grownups

Breathing Lessons

The Amateur Marriage

The Accidental Tourist

Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant

Ladder of Years

Saint Maybe

A Patchwork Planet

If Morning Ever Comes

Earthly Possessions

Clock Winder

Searching for Caleb

Morgan’s Passing

Celestial Navigation

A Slipping-Down Life

The Tin Can Tree

There are teen books as well, but getting through these first!


More favourites include:

Amy Tan
Bernard McLaverty
Jane Austen
Dave Eggers
Truman Capote
Kate Atkinson
Douglas Coupland
Alice Munro
Helen Dunmore
Jane Smiley
Michael Chabon

Is it just me, or have Oreos shrunk?

Sara Evans – Cryin' Game (Original) 5 Nov 2006, 10:30
Henry Purcell – Overture 5 Nov 2006, 10:27
Massive Attack – Unfinished Sympathy (Nellee Hooper 12" mix) 5 Nov 2006, 10:24
Jason Mraz – The Boy's Gone 5 Nov 2006, 10:17
Ludwig van Beethoven – Menuetto 5 Nov 2006, 10:13
Blues Traveler – The Best Part 5 Nov 2006, 10:08
KT Tunstall – Black Horse and the Cherry Tree 5 Nov 2006, 10:04
John Mayer – 83 5 Nov 2006, 09:58
Alicia Keys – Fallin 5 Nov 2006, 09:53
Joni Mitchell – Chelsea Morning 5 Nov 2006, 09:50
Kathleen Edwards – What Are You Waiting For? 5 Nov 2006, 09:47
LeAnn Rimes – This Love 5 Nov 2006, 09:42
Alison Krauss – So Long, So Wrong 5 Nov 2006, 09:37
Julian Bream – Suite in D Minor: Bourree 5 Nov 2006, 09:34
Rilo Kiley – The Absence of God 5 Nov 2006, 09:33
Ray Charles – Mess Around 5 Nov 2006, 09:29
Reba McEntire – Where You End and I Begin 5 Nov 2006, 09:26
Dinah Washington – Call Me Irresponsible 5 Nov 2006, 09:22
Chuck Berry – You Never Can Tell 5 Nov 2006, 09:19

http://www.last.fm/user/gypsysoul/

My Colorgenics Profile:

You are constantly trying to make a favourable impression and endeavouring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavours are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavouring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

Circumstances are holding you back, forcing you to back off and to forgo all the pleasures, fun and games for the time being. But this is only a temporary situation and before you even know it the situation could change.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

Sometimes one fears that its not worth formulating new ideas and projects because whatever you seem to have done in the past has never worked out and you are tired of, as they say, banging your head against a brick wall. No one seems to care. So now you are trying to get away from it all by withdrawing into a 'fantasy land' but unfortunately 'fantasy land' is just that and sooner or later you will have to return to reality so why delay the inevitable? When you do return, you will find that the situation is not as tough as perhaps you thought it was.

from: http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm, found via 43things.com

Well, most of the time...

I've been listening to lots of music recently: some old, some new (to me), all good. I realised there are so many songs in the world.

And I was at the cinema, watching folk file into seats, and wondering what their homes looked liked, what their stories were. Because there are so many stories in the world.

Tell me one (or lots!) of yours...

1. How much time do you spend on the Internet daily?  

Less time than I used to.  This works.

2. What are your favorite 3 websites?

this one
last.fm
Google

3. Do you eat at your computer? 

No.  If I did, there'd be crumbs.  Then the keys would stick.  And I wouldn't be able to write.  And that would be fugly.  So, no (not anymore!)

4. Pick one and why - Reading the news online or in a newspaper? 

In several papers, mostly Arts' sections.  It's actually an event to me.  

5. How many people are on your instant messenger buddy list?  

11.

List some books and/or albums that are good enough for me to buy, please.

Reason informed by emotion, expressed in beauty, elevated by earnestness, lightened by humour, that is the ideal that should guide all artists.

~ Charles Rennie Mackintosh.

I think I've done this before, ages ago. Some are the same, some are new. All are me.

1. I was not named after a literary character.
2. I was born in Texas.
3. My favourite roses are yellow roses, but not because I was born in Texas.
4. I also like floppy burgundy roses.
5. Purple is a way of life.
6. I’ve had a tattoo designed for years, but I probably won’t get it.
7. Not because I don’t want it, but because the actual process would make me climb the walls.
8. I got into an R rated movie when I was 8. My Dad called it ‘research’ and told the ticket dude I was extremely short for my age.
9. I flew on a Concorde way before they were no more
10. I had my legs broken for me when I was a kid.
11. My favourite shows growing up were The Golden Girls and Cagney and Lacey.
12. I was kicked out of Brownies.
13. My favourite Beatle is Paul McCartney
14. I won a game of Pub Golf when I was 19.
15. In elementary school, I ran over the feet of a teacher that everyone hated.
16. I’ve ruined a ‘scientific’ curve.
17. I was going to be Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz twice, but in the end lost the part to pedestrians.
18. I’ve been to the top of the Space Needle, Empire State Building, The Guinness Factory and nearly top of the Eiffel Tower.
19. I didn’t spit off the top.
20. My favourite place in Paris is The Shakespeare and Co. Bookshop.
21. I’ve seen a Cow Parade and an Opera in Prague.
22. I’m phobic of clowns and the physical act of vomiting.
23. Last year, I could read three whole books in a week.
24. I read Psychology text books for fun.
25. I like Dr Phil better than Ophra.
26. I like reality TV because people and their stories fascinate me.
27. I like meeting new people for the same reason.
28. I’ve always hated Sundays.
29. But I LOVE Sunday Papers.
30. I don’t like making business calls but I'm getting better at it.
31. I could listen to music 24/7, and sometimes do.
32. I do actually love ALL types of music, but I s’pose that’s not true as I dislike teenybopper pop
33. My first music love is Country, and no, it isn’t all depressing.
34. Lately I’m addicted to Italian and French Jazz, again.
35. I’ve been to see people in concert that you’ve probably never heard of.
36. I have Billy Joel tickets for July.
37. I used to drink four/five cups of coffee a day. I wish I still did.
38. I like beer.
39. I have weird taste in films.
40. I don’t like stupid comedies.
41. Jessica Lange, Cameron Diaz and The Tilly sisters make me twitch.
42. My favourite film is The Godfather 1.
43. My second favourite film is The Station Agent.
44. My third favourite film is The Truth About Cats and Dogs
45. I quote movies A LOT.
46. Some people don’t laugh until five minutes after I say something funny/clever/ironic
47. I’ve made other people laugh so hard they’ve spit their drinks.
48.I can’t be with anyone who doesn’t make me laugh/doesn’t laugh
49. I have several kinds of laughs; one of them is through my nose.
50. My nose hasn’t changed much at all since I was little.
51. People ask me if I’ve had a nose-job, I tell them no, because I haven’t.
52. When I was younger, I wanted to be a Paediatric nurse.
53. I got over it because I’ve figured out that seeing children in pain alters my physiology.
54. I also wanted to be a Lawyer.
55. Someone told me I wasn’t ‘mean enough’.
56. I actually do want to open a bookshop.
57. I hate Maths.
58. I have an inexplicable twang in my singing voice
59. People think I look either younger or older than I actually am.
60. I like making lists.
61. I should give myself more credit.
62. I should listen more to myself and less to outside influences.
63. I’m not a horrible person.
64. If I’m having a bad day, at least every minute is new.
65. I over-analyse to the hilt.
66. I’d be really quite lost without hugs.
67. I try to avoid avoidance.
68. I really don’t appreciate people who think I don’t appreciate them and what I do for them.
69. I can only type 10 words a minute.
70. There is only one word that I truly detest.
71. I dislike when people state the obvious, except maybe for comic effect.
72. I miss my grandparents every day. All of them.
73. I really, really, really hate being an only child, considering I honestly shouldn’t be. Really.
74. I find washing dishes to be theraputic.
75. So is going to the movies.
76. Apparently, ‘Saturday’ is the only word I still say ‘wrong’.
77. I’m buying my own flat this year.
78. I don’t have time for hypocrites.
79. Or stupid people.
80. 6, 79, and 28 are my favourite numbers.
81. My favourite popcorn is burnt popcorn.
82. I’m facinated by the dynamics of sibling relationships.
83. I wish I could play the guitar and piano.
84. Some songs are actually more like events to me.
85. I sing out loud when I’m alone, or drunk, or in a group.
86. I sometimes speak in rhyme, without meaning to.
87. I can think in French, but my spoken French is barely passable.
88. I’m an aunt of the heart.
89. I can’t draw a decent circle.
90. I draw cubes when I’m on the phone, or bored. Or bored on the phone.
91. Willfully ignorant people piss me off, but also amuse me.
92. Included in my Uni reference from one of my teacher’s: ‘This young woman does not suffer fools gladly.’
93. And I don’t.
94. I probably swear more than you. Secretly or not.
95. Best years of my life were (so far) ‘99-2001, and this one’s shaping up as well.
96. I am medically allergic to cigarette smoke.
97. I plan to see my name on LOTS of book spines.
98. And movie screens under, ‘based on the novel by’
99. I’m a real contradiction.
100. I’d love to sing a duet.

Again, I’m afraid my brain has turned to mush. Today is a day off ‘work’ for me, and I was initially excited about having a day stretched before me to fill with words that I’ve missed writing, because for once on one of these days off, there are no phone calls to make, no folk to chase up, no one asking anything of me, and that just when not at work. My point is, the day is completely mine, and I was looking forward to throwing myself back in the writing, something I’ve in truth neglected for weeks. Save a few sentences here and there written at ‘inappropriate’ times to ‘use later’. It’s reminded me of the 19 year-old who would write her own heart words and not report methods during lectures.

The difference between me then and me (possibly) now is that then I went back to my lovely hovel with voices in the halls and lovelier voices on my answering machine, and I actually used the words I’d scribbled to finish something bigger. I worked on one thing til it was finished and people were moved by it, and I wrote yet more, I was actually crazy with it, in the best possible way. That was before I got into multi-tasking, before the five novels were started so I can’t finish one. Before I began to read the words of others at the expense of my own. Before I got an attack of the ‘shoulds’ that I did begin to back-track from.

I haven’t finished a piece in a year and a half. Not for lack of starting things, or continuing other things, and it is this fact that makes me not a hypocrite.

Why am I thinking of this now? Because writing is indeed what I do, who I am, how I breathe and I’m not at the level I once was or the level of ‘someone else’ who’s been writing as long as I have, because I still long for the like-minded, electric, environment I left the second school to find. Because I’ve spent too much time doing ‘other things’, because I’ve spent too much time with a dude who’s asked not one never-loving thing about me, my writing or what makes me tick. Because living here now, in such a vibrant place there are real glimmers of what I think I’ve lost or buried, or want to find again, and every day I’m closer to being safe in my skin like I was once was. Thinking about it helps, remembering the voices of my beloved characters helps, talking about it, writing these non-fiction words, which are words in themselves.

I just don’t want to get even more lost in ‘real-life’ and ‘routine’. Saying that, I like my new everyday life, and I want more of it, believe as with everything, that it will unearth more material to work with. I want to make time for what I truly love and remember/be in the zone again. Stop pushing my heart to the side when this is the time to squeeze it and use it, and open it.

renascent \rih-NAS-uhnt\, adjective:
Springing or rising again into being; showing renewed vigor.

from dictionary.com

Because it's just, y'know, appropriate. (!)

Friends' only. I comment when I have something to say, I always read. Comment with something interesting, something more than just 'add me?' and I shall. Failing that, just add me, if you wish. In short, you don't have to ask to be added.